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As Melted Snow Forgets its Life, 1/1

Title: As Melted Snow Forgets its Life
Fandom: Doctor Who
Spoilers: Through Cold Blood.
Characters/Pairings: Amy/Rory
Rating: PG
Notes: written for the Series Five Ficathon on now.  The prompt was, "Rory/Amy, based on this photo."  This is much sadder than I expected when I first said, "Yeah, I'll write to that prompt."  The title's from a quote by William Alexander.

It's always snowing in her dreams of him.

He, however, changes every time.  Last night he was a child, tugging at the already too-short cuffs on his Raggedy Doctor shirt, while the night before he looked the way he did the day he joined her on the TARDIS.  He'd even visited her as the one from the dream of Upper Leadworth a few nights before that (she'd teased him mercilessly about the ponytail; dream or not, it was dreadful and he should be ashamed of such a lapse in judgement).  It's like flipping through a disorganized stack of photographs, never knowing which version of him will show up next, terrified of the night she runs out of new ones and wondering if that will mean these precious dreams will stop altogether.

Tonight might be one of her favorites.  He can't be older than seventeen, and he's wearing that just-slightly-too-long haircut all boys seem to have at that age, the one he'd been so convinced made him look mysterious and rock-and-roll but really just made him look even more like the half-child he was.  Just like the child last night, this one toys with the cuffs of his jumper as he stares at her, his best friend-who-is-a-girl who has only very recently (for him), very suddenly, become a Girl, which seems to excite and terrify him at the same time. 

This is her favorite one, she decides; this is the boy he'd been when she first realized that she just might be in love with him.

“Hello, Rory.”  The words come out as nearly a whisper.

He blinks for a few seconds.  “Oh,” he says, as if he's only just realized it's him she's talking to.  “Er, all right, Amy?”  He's smiling that nervous crooked Rory smile she knows so well, and she wants to laugh and cry and scream because she recognizes it at all, because she remembers here.  Every wonky facial expression, every smell, every strangled little nervous sound, is as vivid to her as it ever was, and it kills her to know that all these memories, even the memory of having these dreams in the first place, will evaporate the moment she opens her eyes.

But not the love, she thinks.  Never the love.

“Hey, what is it, what's wrong?”  Nervous teenager or not, Rory's always been good at springing into action the moment she shows the slightest sign of sadness; it's his caregiver instinct, she thinks, the one that will lead him, when he's not much older than he is here before her, to nursing.  He rushes to her, pressing one hand to her face as he uses his thumb to wipe away tears she didn't even notice coursing down her cheeks.  His fingers are warm, a welcome rest from the cold air and snowflakes biting her skin; she leans into them slightly, causing the teenage boy's breath to hitch at the comfortable affection she shows him with that tiny gesture.

“Are you... is there anything I can do?”  He stutters.  The moment where it occurs to him that his hand is still on her face is obvious and more than a little adorable; he quickly removes it, shoving both into his pockets as he adopts a slouch that's just so Rory that Amy cracks a smile through her tears.  “What?”  He asks, but it's no use trying to explain.

She wipes at her nose delicately with one sleeve before grabbing a handful of the bottom of his hoodie.  “Kiss me, you idiot,” she says, half-laughing even through her tear-choked voice. 

Not needing to be told twice, he does so; at first he's still every bit the teenager, awkwardly mashing his lips against hers exactly the way she remembers he used to, but then his hands move to cup her face as he deepens the kiss, and then she feels him quickly familiarize himself with their rhythm until he's rivaling the best kisses he and Amy have ever had (that we ever had at all, a small, sad voice in her points out with a note of finality).  She feels like wrapping herself up in him like a blanket, melting into him like one of the snowflakes mingling with the hot tears on her cheeks, but the best she can manage is clinging to his jumper and putting all of herself into the kiss.

All too soon, it's over, and she is left pressed against his chest, burrowing her face into the soft, striped fabric.  “I'll remember this time,” she says firmly.  If she remembers when she wakes up, some illogical part of her has decided, it's a sign, proof that the Doctor will be able to save the day and bring Rory back to her after all.  “I promise.”

“No you won't,” says Rory softly in her ear, lightly stroking her hair as he holds her against him.  “But thanks for trying anyway.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” he says.  “I forgive you.”

She doesn't have a response to that, but he doesn't need one.  She holds him tighter, though, as if it will help her ward off morning as huddling into his warmth wards off the bitter cold of the snow.


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 22nd, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC)
I really liked this! It was pretty sad, yeah, but I don't know, I thought it was really sweet.
Good job! :)
Jun. 22nd, 2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I gave it a quick re-read before posting and just went, "Wow, that's a bit depressing. When did that happen?" It's good to hear the sweetness came through as well. Thanks for reading!
Jun. 22nd, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
Oh my.
This was so, so beautiful. It was everything I could have hoped for and more.
Gosh, that was so poetic and breathtaking and gah. I'm lost for words.
It's my birthay in two days, so this is the perfect early birthday present. Thank you so much- this put such a bright spot in my day. Just...beautiful. :)
Jun. 22nd, 2010 10:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! Writing for other people's prompts always worries me, so I'm thrilled to hear you enjoyed it. Thank you for providing such a fantastic prompt; I didn't know quite where it would take me when I started, but I knew it would be somewhere good.
Happy birthday!
Jun. 23rd, 2010 10:13 am (UTC)
Ah! Those last few lines killed me! Love it!
Jun. 24th, 2010 08:18 am (UTC)
Hooray! Oh, I can't tell you how much those last few lines worried me when I was writing, so to hear that they're effective is huge. Thank you!
Jun. 23rd, 2010 03:24 pm (UTC)
Awww, okay, that's really sad, and very beautiful. It's so so perfect for that picture, and I really love the idea of dream-Amy remembering him, knowing she doesn't really, but trying so hard to keep him with her! Oh Rory. Oh Amy. You wrote them really well, so thanks for sharing this!
Jun. 24th, 2010 08:26 am (UTC)
Thank you! Memory is a fascination of mine, so I've been completely enthralled by the cracks the effect they have on people, those they take as well as those they leave behind. It was a real treat to finally play with some of that here.
Jun. 23rd, 2010 05:53 pm (UTC)
This was very beautiful. Sad, but very awesomely written. You captured them both in character as well and it's a story that makes me wish she had remembered, after all.
Jun. 24th, 2010 08:31 am (UTC)
Thank you! Both Rory and Amy have such distinctive voices that I absolutely adore and am drawn to write. That uniqueness creates a problem when I get super self-critical and worry I've gotten them wrong, however, so it's very nice to hear that I'm doing something right!
Jun. 24th, 2010 01:46 pm (UTC)
You're doing something very right!
Jun. 24th, 2010 05:25 pm (UTC)
Aw, shucks. :D
Jun. 24th, 2010 05:30 pm (UTC)
You're very welcome! =D
Jun. 23rd, 2010 11:14 pm (UTC)
I loved this. I am (as my husband and assorted other people will vouch for) totally traumatised by the whole Rory storyline. I love the idea that she does remember him somewhere deep inside and that her memories of him are the happy ones.

This is sad, but there's the essence of hope there too -- hope that if she remembers Rory in dreams, Amy has the ability to remember him in reality (I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling 'lalalala' about what happened at the end of The Pandorica Opens).
Jun. 24th, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
Ugh, the Rory storyline is killing me. I was completely unaware of how attached I'd become to him until Vincent and the Doctor, where his absence was so palpable I nearly cried long before the actual storyline made me do so.
I have no doubt that Rory will help to save the day in the finale, but I'm trying to assure myself that they'll let him survive doing so. Losing him all over again would be awful. Plus, the idea of Rory rejoining them, only now he's made of living plastic and has the memories and abilities of a Roman soldier, is crazy awesome and ripe with dramatic tension and juicy plot possibilities (*looks pointedly at writing staff*).
Jun. 24th, 2010 10:45 am (UTC)
I knew I was attached to him the whole time, but I wasn't aware how much I cared until he disappeared from existence. I was so desperate for his story to be fixed and then they went and made it worse! I'm still in denial.

I love the idea of plastic Roman Rory wending through history with Amy and the Doctor. Someone really needs to write that ... I can't because I already have two Rory fics on the go and can't take on another :D There is seriously not enough Rory fic out there, so I was really glad to read yours. I loved your Rory; he's so real!
Jun. 24th, 2010 10:54 am (UTC)
It's funny, all I can seem to write lately is Rory, but for some reason I've been hesitant to write this one. Maybe I'll pick it up and play with it after all...
Jun. 24th, 2010 11:03 am (UTC)
All I can write is Rory too, which I'm not used to. Before this I'd only written one DW fic (I live mostly in Harry Potter land) but Rory's story has really grabbed me and I have to write him to make myself feel better.
Jun. 26th, 2010 03:57 am (UTC)

This was lovely. I adore your depiction of a teenage Rory; I'd like to keep him and put him in my pocket. :)

(Also, gutted that I just now learned of the ficathon! Hopefully another one will be held where I can contribute. :))
Jun. 26th, 2010 05:29 am (UTC)
Why, thank you! Yeah, I kinda fell in love with teenaged Rory, even as I was writing it.

The ficathon was brilliant; I'd never participated in one before, but something about this one lit a fire underneath me. I'm hugely proud of writing, editing, and publishing two stories in a week (something I've not done in... a very long time, at least, if ever), and even when I wasn't writing to a prompt, I've been writing to one of several new ideas I thought of over the course of it. I haven't written this much since NaNoWriMo. I really hope someone else who enjoyed it as much as I did decides to start up another one like it soon, so we can all play again!
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )